The Spirit Of Christmas Lies in my Heart

As long as I can remember, I used to wake up at 5:30am and check to see what my christmas packages from santa clause looked like. I loved the colored paper and I loved seeing what stocking gift was unwrapped ontop.

I've always always always loved Christmas music more than any other music ever!

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday and I just love the Holiday season period.

Every year I've always gotten a gift from my favorite elf 'Bernard'. If you've seen Disney's The Santa Clause, you know who I'm talking about. And almost always, I get some trinket that says 'Believe'. My most favorite word ever.

This year I was deemed the spirit of Christmas by my family. Apparently I'm the one who has always kept the spirit alive and kicking. Thats a big accoplishment for me because I truly do love christmas. One day I will get all the pictures from my first christmas ever up and maybe others will understand why I love christmas so much.

But I do know eventually that I will find someone someday that shares the love of the spirit of christmas just as much as me!

^The Christmas that started it all!^
Apparently, my Grandpa thought I was gonna pull the tree over. So he kept pulling out from under the tree, but I kept crawling right back under it and I've been told thats where I fell asleep that christmas.

Keep Moving Forward!

On Saturday I had new head shots taken, well kind of. I had a really cool photo shoot with a guy who I sort of consider to be a big brother to me. And his girlfriend is in a way like a big sister to me. They are awesome and I had a really good time. So I did that in St. Augustine with Eric and then I came back to my sisters house in Palm Coast.

Before I left my parents house Saturday morning my mom gave me some movies to watch since I'd be by myself on Saturday night and most of Sunday. She gave me one of our favorites "Meet the Robinson's" I love love love that movie. It really gets me going when I'm down you know. Its such a great inspirational movie. I'm glad she gave it to me to watch because I've been thinking about how great I can really be someday.

Around here, however, we don't look bacwards for very long.
We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious... and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.-Walt Disney

Therefore:

Keep Moving Forward - Walt Disney (one of my hero's!)

So I've been giving Grad School a thought. Really just a thought today. I'll have to talk to my parents about it then get some advice from my teachers at school.
I have no idea what I would go to grad school for... but who knows.
I've really just been thinking about getting through my BFA program and getting out alive, but just so many wonderful things have happened while I've been at USA. I've had the best teachers and the best friends. And I've stayed in touch with Diana more this semester than I ever did at my other school.
Its just a sign in my eyes.
I've just been so excited about school and I've wanted to do such a good job lately.
I got really good grades and I've had some amazing conversations with teachers about what I want out of school and life.

I just really hope to do a good job next semester in the show.
I just know that this is what I've wanted my whole life. Ever since sixth grade all I've really wanted was to be something and someone important in a show. However, I know that the chorus to a show is important. If you don't have an emsemble in most shows, then the show won't fly! But I've never wanted something so much in my life. Maybe thats why I did so well this time. And then there is a plus side to the fact that I get along really really well with the director of the show and the music director. But its also so nice to know that someone other than your mom believes in you.
My family has been the biggest and best supporters all along. And I've believed in myself because of them. I've somehow figured out how to make my dreams a reality in ways because of my drive and determination that my family has kinda stored in me.

Christmas is my favorite time of year. I've always been the girl who walked around promoting that Santa Clause is real, and in my heart he is! I can't wait to spend the holidays with my family and I really can't wait to open presents on christmas because I think everyone will really enjoy everything! Hey, and I get to put out my north pole! I'll post pictures soon.

Here's to christmas, the show and all the things I'm so thankful for!

Love,
Penny Marie

Update!

wow, so I guess its time for an update on Penny Marie!


Well where do I start?

Oh, I know! I was cast this week in my college's production of Anything Goes as Hope Harcourt!
I'm so super excited! Thats a LEAD role! and I get to TAP DANCE! AHHHHH! It's really hitting me now that I mean, I'm gonna be a lead in a musical!

Okay, rant over lol!

In other news, the semester is almost over and soon I'll be headed back to Apopka to spend Christmas break.

Okay so I originally had a really big thought for this update... and now I can't really think of anything to write. Man I really need to use those notebooks and write things down when I think of them. Grrr. anyways, I'll write more later!

Loves everyone,
Penny Marie! [or as Emily and Danielle now call me 'Peaches', but I'll explain that next time I write!]

Love Story by Taylor Swift

Love Story

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
Im standing there
On a balcony in summer air

See the lights,
See the party the ball gowns
See you make your way through the crowd
And say hello
Little did i know

That you were romeo you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from juliet
And i was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don’t go, and i said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I’ll be waiting all theres left to do is run
You’ll be the prince and i’ll be the princess
Its a love story baby just say yes

So i sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we’re dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Lets escape this town for a little while
Cause you were romeo i was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don’t go and i said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I’ll be waiting all theres left to do is run
You be the prince and i’ll be the princess
Its a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they're tryin to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but its real
Don’t be afraid we’ll make it out of this mess
Its a love story baby just say yes,

Oh, Oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When i met you on the outskirts of town, and I said

Romeo save me i’ve been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, i don’t know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said

Marry me juliet you’ll never have to be alone
I love you and thats all I really know
I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress
Its a love story baby just say yes

Oh, Oh, Yes

We were both young when i first saw you

sometimes I disagree

"Sometimes you need to put the past behind, the saddest aside. You need to forget everything you ever felt; your feelings, your thoughts. Everything that was ever there. Because you can`t get hurt if you don't care."

this one I don't agree on. because as much as it hurts you can't just forget it. because sometimes, the pain is worth learning to live through because its what makes us who we are.

a few random quotes

Stop planning your life & let it plan itself. Quit trying to find the perfect boy & let him find you. If you don't want drama, then don`t talk shit. Things are only as complicated as you make them.

Nobody wants to hear this, but sometimes the person you want msot, is the person you`re best without.

We tend to fall in love the same way we get sick ;; without wanting to, without believing it, against our will & unable to defend ourselves. & then we lose love exactly the same way.

I need someone who can keep up with me. I want someone aggressive, who pushes me to my breaking point where I just wanna scream. Someone who will tell me that I`m not always right, & that sometimes I have to apologize for what I do wrong. I need someone who`s gunna set me straight because no one has ever cared enough about me to try.

A Crisp Fall Breeze & The Sound Of A Crunchy Leaf Under Your Shoe!

I still love love love this quote! I've been having kind of an interesting semester. Its had its Up's and its had its Down's. But in the end, I've met some really amazing people. And well some really not so amazing people too. And with that, I've grown a lot this semester too.

I've been watching the first season of Everwood. And once again, its amazing how t.v. caters to your life at the time. See Ephram Brown, the main teenage character in this series reminds me so much of a few people. But I also realize that he is so different than I thought.
I also saw High School Musical 3:Senior Year with Kenan on Friday night. And tonight, we danced in the parking lot together to "Can I Have This Dance?" from the soundtrack. It was amazing! and one of the most amazing moments of my life. I will never forget that because it was truely awesome. Don't get me wrong, Kenan is gay and we are totally just friends. But he is becoming one of my best friends ever and that is truely remarkable.

There are so many other people here that have made my life amazing too, and they all fit into the grand scheme of my life plan. The best part?: I have no idea what that plan is. But I'm creating it as I go along. I'm writing in the blank pages of my life as I go along and as I live them.

I honestly can't wait till Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks.

I can't wait to spend time with my family. I can't wait to spen time with Diana and spill everything about what has happened this year so far and just be in the same room together for more than 4 hours. I can't wait to see Anthony again and really catch up on the last 3 years before he leaves for the Navy. I can't wait to hang out with Jamie and see some people I haven't seen in a while.

But mostly, I can't wait to keep discovering who I am and who I want to be in this life. Because in the end, it really is the people who you meet and know that make you who you are. And sometimes, we just have to say goodbye to the one person who changed it all to keep moving forward in our lives in this universe. So over the break I plan on doing just that. I plan on getting my life in order and getting back what is mine, and saying my goodbye[for right now that is].

You see, I have a friend here who is battling the same issue. Only she has it harder. She has to see this person quite often. I have it easy in a sense of if I didn't want to, I would never have to see him again. I'm helping her through her problems step by step. And through that, I'm helping myself. Because we all know that we should sometimes listen to our own advice. And I'm ready to start.

Bring it on world! I'm ready for what you have to swing my way. but please, be kind about it!

I love you mom, your my biggest supporter and hero in my life. You and Daddy both. I would be lost without you. I'd be lost without Pamela too, she's the bestest sister in the world apart from me. And I miss my big brother. I'm being strong for him right now and I just pray for him everyday, and I think about the choices I make each time before I do it.
I love my family more than anything and I would gladly give up anything for everyone of them.

Love always,
Penny Marie, Munchkin, Myrttle, tater tot, tiger, and whatever nickname you may have ever called me!

Can I Have This Dance?

[Gabriella]
Take my hand, take a breath
Pull me close and take one step
Keep your eyes locked on mine,
And let the music be your guide.

[Troy, Gabriella]
Won't you promise me (now won't you promise me, that you'll never forget)
We'll keep dancing (to keep dancing) wherever we go next

(chorus)
It's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you
It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do
And with every step together, we just keep on getting better
So can I have this dance (can I have this dance)
Can I have this dance

[Troy]
Take my hand, I'll take the lead
And every turn will be safe with me
Don't be afraid, afraid to fall
You know I'll catch you threw it all

[Troy, Gabriella]
And you can't keep us apart (even a thousand miles, can't keep us apart)
'Cause my heart is (cause my heart is) wherever you are

(chorus)
It's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you
It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do
And with every step together, we just keep on getting better
So can I have this dance (can I have this dance)
Can I have this dance

[Gabriella And Troy]
Oh no mountains too high enough, oceans too wide
'Cause together or not, our dance won't stop
Let it rain, let it pour
What we have is worth fighting for
You know I believe, that we were meant to be

(chorus)
It's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you (like you)
It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do (way we do)
And with every step together, we just keep on getting better
So can I have this dance (can I have this dance)
Can I have this dance

Can I have this dance
Can I have this dance

No Sleep...

It sucks when you can't sleep.
but its nice when you don't have to wake up for your first class that is at 9:05am.
so I have Stage craft first in the morning...

but I can't sleep. and I keep having dreams of getting a cat and having it roam my dorm room.
any idea's what this dream may be saying to me?

Loves,
Penny Marie

Leave The Pieces

WARNING!!!:
This has nothing to do with a particular person...
its more of a General feeling for the evening.
But all is good. and I'm fairly happy with life right now!

Loves to all!

Verse 1:
You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair
You know to just keep me hanging 'round
You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't wanna see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

Chorus:
And it's alright, yeah, I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just, take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

Verse 2:
Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with and just let me move on
Don't concern yourself with this mess you left for me
I can clean it up you see
Just as long as you're gone

[Chorus]

You're not making up your mind
It's killin' meand wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah

[Chorus]

Halloween/Project Runway work night!

So I made a costume for halloween! Check it out on my myspace or facebook since blogger is being stupid and wont let me load it here.

Mom, I sent it to your email!

I'm so excited!

SETC Prelim's

SETC people.... Kristi Firmin, Amy Robertson, Bliss Leger, Penny Marie, and Brandon M. Caten

I'm pretty sure this is my favorite picture of all though! We look like we're straight out of the baby sitters club books!

In other news, I did audition for the SETC prelim's on Saturday. It was a bunch of sit around and wait moments from the get go. But I went in the room, felt like a wanted to barf because I was so nervous and then I just had a thought. I said to myself, I could make myself even more nervous by being retarded and being nervous to begin with. Or I could relax, get up, do what I know I can do and floor them! Well I decided to pick the second option. I went up did my thing and I felt like I nailed it. I really was very proud of myself and very happy with what I had accomplished!

I didn't get passed on this year, but I made it through the audition with confidence and a smile on my face! So in the end, I was happy with myself and I will be even more ready next year!

Penny Marie

Yesterday by Leona Lewis

I just can't believe you're gone
Still waiting for morning to come
Wanna see if the sun will rise
Even without you by my side (ooh yeah)

When we had so much in store
Tell me what is it i'm reaching for
When we're through building memories
I'll hold yesterday in my heart, in my heart

Chorus:
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (plans we made)
They can take the music that we'll never play
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know (no no)
They can take the places that we said we would go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away (oh oh), but they can never have yesterday

You always used to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or atleast how the story goes (but I never believed them 'til now)

I know i'll see you again i'm sure
No, it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night, one more day
One more smile on you face
But they can't take yesterday

Chorus:
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (no no)
They can take the music that we'll never play (they can take the music that we'll never play)
All the broken dreams (oh, my broken dreams)
Take everything (take everything)
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday (oh oh oh)
They can take the future that we'll never know (we'll never know)
They can take the places that we said we would go (huh oh oh)
All the broken dreams (all the broken dreams)
Take everything (take everything)
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

I thought our days would last forever (but it wasn't our destiny)
'Cause in my mind, we had so much time
But i was so wrong
Now i can, believe that
I can still find the strength in the moments we made
I'm looking back on yesterday

Chorus:
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (ooh ooh)
They can take the music that we'll never play (no)
All the broken dreams (all the broken dreams)
Take everything (take everything)
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday (yesterday)
They can take the future that we'll never know (yeah ah)
They can take the places that we said we would go (that we said we would go)
All the broken dreams (all our broken dreams)
Take everything (take everything)
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday (they can never hace yesterday)

Ooooh...
(All the broken dreams take everything)
But they can never have yesterday

Not my Study Marathon, but I stayed up to help!

So in psychology terms I'm known as having Impression motivation....

Impression Motivation: The motivation to achieve approval by making a good impression on others.

Brad taught me that at about 4am this morning. I don't have a psychology class but it was interesting to help Brad study for his midterms.

anyways, I'm about to go get ready for directing. Have a wonderful day!

as of noon this after noon I will have offically been awake for 24 hours... thats kinda a record for me.

Best coffee ever this morning thanks to Rob and best breakfast thanks to Brad! Ramen noodles, who would have ever thought?!?!?!

Have good days!

Johnny and June

I love this song!

Johnny and June by Heidi Newfield

Oh, there's something 'bout a man in black.
Makes me want to buy a Cadillac
throw the top back, and roll down to Jacksontown.

I wanna be there on the stage with you.
You and I could be the next rage, too.
Hear the crowd roar, make them want more
I'll kick the foot-lights out.

I want a love like Johnny and June.
Rings of fire burning with you.
I wanna walk the line, walk the line, 'til the end of time.
I want a love, love you that much.
Cash it all in, give it all up.
And when you're gone, I wanna go too,
like Johnny and June.

I wanna hold you baby, right or wrong.
Build a world around a country song
Pray a sweet prayer, follow you there,
down in history.

I want a love like Johnny and June.
Rings of fire burning with you.
I wanna walk the line, walk the line, 'til the end of time.
I want a love, love you that much.
Cash it all in, give it all up.
And when you're gone, I wanna go too,
like Johnny and June
like Johnny and June

More than life itself. No one else.
This endless promise.
They dont make love like that anymore.
Is that too much to be asking for?

I wanna love like Johnny and June.
Rings of fire burnin with you.
I wanna walk the line, walk the line, 'til the end of time.
I wanna love, love you that much.
Cash it all in, Give it all up.
And when you're gone, I wanna go too,
Like Johnny and June.
Like Johnny and June.

And when we're gone, there'll be no tears to cry.
Only memories of our lives.
They'll remember, remember a love like this.

Hope

There is always hope. I'm gonna keep that in mind as I can't sleep tonight.

No matter what, I love him and I always will.

It's all in God's hands now. But then again, it always has been.

I'll be praying until then.

Penny Marie!~*

To whom it may concern...

First off, I apologize to anyone who felt personally offended by me in anyway in the past week... That time frame should cover it well.

Secondly, I apologize to everyone who was at that party, things where said, and after a point, I don't really know what all was said by me either. So I'm sorry if I said something that upset anyone. I was really just trying to be neutral to everyone there and it backfired.

Thank you to all who were there ALL night, from START to Finsh who were there for me to cheer me up. Yes that means even before the big fight, you were there too in the beginning making sure I wasn't thinking about things to hard and made sure I had a good time for the most part.

Here goes: (in random order)

Shannon: Thank you dear for making sure we didn't get TOO lost along the way to Iori's and thank you for being cool about everything in the end.

Mary Helen: Thank you for just being you, for loving everyone and everything! However next time, call a person before you wander off at 4am outside, I would have helped lol. Love you lots Big Little!

Sean: Thanks for being cool after my tangent in the kitchen, I really do have a 5 min. rebound rate and I understand exactly where you were coming from when you needed time to talk to B I just felt like yelling. anyways, thanks for being cool about it all.

Brad: Thanks for taking me home, taking me back for my car, and for truly understanding me.

Josh: Thanks for being there to make sure I didn't hit the floor in my moment of shock and weakness. For not letting go when I needed hugs, for making sure I sat down and had someone with me the whole time and for making sure no one got hurt.

Mason: thanks for your part in making sure no one was hurt in the end too.

Kristi: Thanks for being you, I love you and thank you for being there to not let me fall in moment of shock as well.

Brandon: you were there for most of the beginning of the night to keep my mind of off someone who lives in a different state, thank you for that. there is a lot of things that need to be ironed out... hopefully we'll work it all out in time

Jenn: I love you to death girl, I love how we both apologized for doing absolutely nothing to each other. I can't wait to get to know you more in the future and I'm happy we're friends.

Iori: I love you kid! Thanks for throwing the party to start with. And then thanks for putting up with everything that happened.

I'm sure there are more people I'm forgetting right now... I'll add more in later I'm sure... Its 3:04am as I'm finishing this blog for right now...

I need me some sleep!

A little inspiration from Josh... my new College Brother

I have often dreamed, of a far off place
Where a hero’s welcome, would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying, this is where I’m meant to be
I’ll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way, if I can be strong
I know ev’ry mile, will be worth my while
When I go the distance, I’ll be right where I belong
Down an unknown road, to embrace my fate
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you
And a thousand years, would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime, but somehow I’ll see it through
And I won’t look back, I can go the distance
And I’ll stay on track, no, I won’t accept defeat
It’s an uphill slope, but I won’t lose hope
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero’s strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star, I will go the distance
I will search the world, I will face its’ harms
I don’t care how far, I can go the distance
Till I find my hero’s welcome, waiting in your arms
I will search the world, I will face it’s harms
Till I find my hero’s welcome, waiting in your arms

Day before the wedding!

Playing Battle of the Sexes! around the back is Spencer, Luis, Jonathan, Elizabeth, Dan, Jimmy, Anne, Kyle, Jen, and then Bernabe and Me in the front...
At there rehearsal thingy... I wasn't quite here for this part, which sucked but I'm here now and can't wait for her to be in that pearly white gown of hers in about 11 hours!

In Lew of Sunday's events!

Sooooooo, on Sunday afternoon around 2pm I believe, two of my besties from Floarts are marrying each other!
thats right, Anne [pronounced Annie] and Kyle!
This would be Me, Anne the Bride to be and Elizabeth(who got married earlier this summer)

Here we are, the Fantabulous 4! First year of college!

And again, first year of college

First Christmas at college

Our wonderful fun times, this one was hard to beat!

Sooooo I'm sooooo excited to have our reunion on Saturday night and then the wedding on sunday! I'm so happy for you Anne and Kyle!

My Wish by Rascal Flatts

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you’re faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin’ ‘til you find the window
If it’s cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you
And the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you find God’s grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big


I ran across this song on one of my friends myspace pages... and I thought it was appropriate for how I hope that you will always succeed! I can't wait to hear about everything you do in this life!
Love you always!
Penny Marie <3

College Weekend

This past week and weekend have been really kick ass! I've made like I million different friends and I'm loving it!
I'm really starting to love college. I mean, I'm even watching scary movies, and I don't normally do that! lol

Friday was Karaoke night! It was AMAZING! Kenan and I sang Two become One by none other than the Spice Girls! It was amazing! Kenan sang like a million songs with a bunch of people but lots of theatre department kids were there and I loved the fact that I got to hang out with everyone.

Saturday I went to the symphony with Brandon. Again, it was amazing! I'm so glad I went. We sat in the balcony and I realized yet again just how much I loved to watch someone play the freakin piano. I thought it was just one certain person but I look back on life and I think, it all started with Mr. Patterson! I loved to watch him play and then it just kept moving on from there. The guy who played at the symphony was from Canada and he was awesome! I think its amazing that pianists can just do all that with there hands! I'm excited that I am back to loving music so much! Brandon and I are looking into getting season tickets and I'm sooooooo excited about that!

Sunday I just cleaned my dorm room and I am almost actually organized. ha yea right Penny Marie being organized? ha don't make me laugh! But seroiusly I'm almost there!

Well good night all, and good morning or afternoon if thats when you are actually reading this.

I'll leave you with a quote, "Reason and love are sworn enemies." - Pierre Corneille

Penny Marie <3

Black Roses Red

Verse 1:
Can I ask you a question please?
Promise you won't laugh at me
Honestly, I'm standing here afraid I'll be betrayed...
As twisted as it seems
I only feel love when it's in my dreams
so let in the morning the light and let the darkness fade away

Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?
La Da Da
la Da Da
oooooooh
La Da Da

Verse 2:
Drowing in my lonliness
how long must I hold my breath?
So much emptiness inside...I could fill the deepest sea
I reach to the sky as the moon looks on
my one last tear has come and gone
I'm dying to let your love rain down on me...
Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?
Cause I feel like I've never known love...

Love this song! Thought I'd share!

College Life...

Last week I think I thought that this college was going to kill me...
Or at least I thought the sky was falling. Ha ha I sound like chicken little! Look the sky is falling!

It sure as hell was hard to get out of bed and make myself keep going to class. It was probably the hardest thing ever. But I am doing it!

yesterday (Tuesday) I went and talked to Fulton about SETC prelims... I was shocked to find that he loved my choices and that everything is starting to turn out awesome! I'm so excited about it all. We start working on it tech today (Thursday)

As for other news, I'm doing remarkably well. I've made some new friends, I'm learning how to appriciate music so much more and I'm loving being in college. Its hard, man is it hard, but I wouldn't give it up for anything. Or anyone for that matter!
I made a choice a while ago to keep my education going. I had someone almost try to stop me from doing that. I made some choices along the way that some people may think were harsh or hurtful, but I don't regret them and I wouldn't change what I did or how I did it in any way. I owe no one anything but a thank you for helping me along the way. I am not apologizing for anything that happened or for the way things happened. That is that and now you can stop reading my blog looking for something in a since of thinking I owe you something or learned something you thought I should.

Now that that is over. I love you all very much! I love you mom and your the bestest!
Pamela, your the bestest too! And Diana! I don't know anyone else that reads this... Maybe Michele? Love you too...
Anyways, I've got a test to study for, for tomorrow...
we'll see how that goes... and then I'll probably learn to not procrastinate so much.

Night everyone!

Penny Marie <3

100th post

I found this quote in my xanga mail today... I hadn't checked that email in forever... thats all that really comes to that email anymore but I thought it was appropriate for the time being.

If you even read this, I want you to know, that this is the truth. My life would be so different without you. You were the one who changed it all, and in the end, if that was all you were meant to be for, then I am grateful for that. I have learned so much from you. I learned how to be me and be okay with being me. The fun silly me. I learned how to trust my heart no matter what. And in the end I think I learned how to listen to everything even the littlest things and take them for what it is worth. I know I didn't do it much in our time together, but I think I am learning how to look and listen for the signs now. You taught me that even if I only learned it in the end afterwards.

I also learned this:

And that its okay to want to:

One thing I know for sure though is that:

But its okay because I'm okay with that.

And in the end

and its okay.

A little inspiration from tonight...

Je me souviens by Reynaldo Hahn...
this is the english translation from the recital I went to tonight.

I remember, ah, yes, I remember
how tender our new love once was;
certain moments, and conversations
which hurt me when I recall them.

I remember, ah, yes, I remember
how our dreams were all the same,
how your happiness was also mine
the happiness of two people in love.

Do you sometimes remember as well
how fragile was the bond between us?
Born of our mutual attraction,
at once both weak and strong,
one evening, when our lips
met passionately at darkness,
trembling with hope and dreams?
and then came the final parting:
for me, the years have passed,
yet my feelings have not changed.

I remember, ah yes, I remember
everything seems to bode so well;
our memories are all we have left,
as fresh as the dawn of a new day.

I remember, ah yes, I remember!
for in you I see myself once more.
What spell have you cast over me?
It is only when I reach out to you,
that I can find my own youth again.
Ah! If I could rid myself at last
of the troubled parth we shared!
How often it is I seem to hear
the distant echo of your voice,
so bright and clear and sweet,
when our hearts still beat as one,
as the two of us sought ecxtasy
In our quest for lasting Love.


I feel like this piece really describes my life right now. I miss him and I think that with this I want to learn this piece and put it in my rep book for future endevors! It may be what I am going through right now but I hope to finally get past it. I just want to be there in his life... but I also want the best for him, which is right now not me. So I'm talking and working things out here in Alabama and finding things to throw myself into like my work and my vocal study.

I also am looking at summer interns... it could be an amazing expeirence! I can't wait to start applying... but I still miss home and friends.

I will always love you all forever, don't ever doubt that.

Penny Marie

Penny is 2...

I'm getting ready for my call back audition,
Then packing for going home,
Then, class tomorrow,
Then, on my way to Jessica's,
Getting my stuff from Sam's,
Staying with Jessica,
Maybe meeting up for breakfast on Saturday morn.
Then on my way to see my amazing family...

Oh and Jess and Eric count as my amazing family too I'm just staying with them on Friday night

I'm doing okay, it was a shock, a learning expeirence and I'll be in a holding pen on relationships for a while until I feel okay again

Penny is...

Learning how to be herself. The good herself, not the crazy wacko herself.

I'm learning how to be happy again in myself.

I'm learning so much about myself while being here, and I'm also learning who I don't want to be. I want to be Penny Marie! The cool girl who everyone is like Hey I have to be that girl's friend.

Sorry, but my night has just kept getting better!

And tomorrow, well tomorrow I'm gonna have the most kick ass day ever! I promise myself, and if it isn't so hot in the end, its okay because sometimes days are like that, but I can still be happy in the end!

And who said happily ever after cant happen? Well I'm gonna be happily ever tomorrow! If that just made any since lmao.

I love you all, and I thank you to my big supporters and the ones who love me the most!

Penny Marie!~*

Mr. Phelps...

Have you ever wished you could be a fish?
I've been thinking about this for a while, I've got a new beta fish.
I named him Mr. Phelps. I was talking to Sam about what I should name my new fish and he says to me, name it Mr. something, so then I talk to my mom and she said Mr. Phelps, in honor of Michael Phelps who won 8 golds in the Olympics.
I've loved the idea of having a fish since my first year of college.
They are just so facinating, the way that they just swim around in a bowl or tank or whatever you buy for them to live in.
I wanted to bring Remy with my to school but it would have been a horrible ride for him. So he stayed with my mom and dad, in my room at there house.
I wish I could have brought Remy to the apt. me and Sam moved into over the summer but his cats like fish way to0 much! Morty almost killed Remy last semester lol.

So I wonder what it is like to just swim in a bowl your whole life and not ever have a mate? I couldn't imagine it. I'm trying to start working on my independence skills. I need to prove to myself and others I can get on by myself. Its really hard and it doesn't mean that I want to give up any of the people who I love in my life. I found myself saying I needed someone the other day, and I think the correct statement now is I want them. I want to hear from them not I need to hear from them, at least for right now.
I need to become more like my fish, I need to learn to be independent! I can do it, I know I can. I don't really want to right now, but I know that I can. And then when I'm done at school here, I want to be with the person who makes me rediculously happy in every way. I want to be able to support him in the ways that he needs.

I love you mom, pam, dad, patrick, everyone!

And I love you Samuel H. Clein! I love you so much!

5 months.

For five months I've been completely happy with the love of my life.
I love you SamClein!

School is going okay I guess. Its been hard to focus. But I'm going to be strong and I'm going to be okay. I love you mom and I thank you for all of your support!
I love you Pamela for your support.
And to my newly found therapist, your a life saver. Thank you for understanding my struggles.

My love to everyone!

Penny Marie

Life at USA

So I thought I'd let everyone know how I'm doing... if anyone besides my mom and sister actually read it.
I'd love to know who reads it if you wanna send me a message or comment to let me know that would be great!
Fine, now on to buisness... Wait! HI MOM! HI PAMELA!

Okay now onto life in Alabama...
I'm living in a dorm room.. I know scary right? well its acutally turned out to be okay... only my photo scrapbook frame I got from Diana has fallen off the wall twice already... so I'm gonna have to find a new plan on how to hang it... I'll figure it out.

I have a roommate. Her name is Kristi. She's pretty cool, we are alot alike. We just kinda chill in the room when we're not in class... which is cool for me since I have like a million things of homework already.
Anyways, about my room, its pretty cosy, but thats okay because I hate big beds without someone to share them with... my bed is acutally pretty comfy thanks to my mom and sister who helped me figure out how to put everything on it before they left. I'm still hanging posters but it looks pretty good so far. I love my sheets! Thanks Diana!
Oh and by the way, Pam if you are reading this, you were right, its not alaska here. It's more like ANTARTICA! I'm freezing... thank goodness Sam is sending me my other blankies!

Anyways, school is going okay. So far it looks like its going to be very hard. I hope I can keep up.
Hope everyone is doing well...

I miss you Sam! And I love you TOO!

Life...

I'm starting to wonder what life is all about.

I mean in the end... what is it really going to come down to?

Because right now my life consists of chaos, tears and fear.

I Will Write You A Song

I don't know how to make lots of money
I got debts that I'm trying to pay
I can't buy you nice things, like big diamond rings
But that don't mean much anyway

I can't give you the house you've been dreaming
If I could I would build it alone
I'd be out there all day, just hammering away
Make us a place of our own

I will write you a song
That's how you'll know that my love is still strong
I will write you a song
And you'll know from this song that I just can't go on without you

I don't know that I'd make a good soldier
I don't believe in being violent and cruel
I don't know how to fight, but I'll draw blood tonight
If somebody tries hurting you tonight

I will write you a song
That's how you'll know that my love is still strong
I will write you a song
And you'll know from this song that I just can't go on without you

Now that it's out on the table (it's out on the table)
Both of us knew all along (knew all along)
I've got your loving and you've got my song

I don't know how to make lots of money
I don't know all the right things to do
I can't say where we'll go, but the one thing I know
Is how to be a good man to you
Until I die that's what I'll do

I will write you a song
That's how you'll know that my love is still strong
I will write you a song
And you'll know from this song that I just can't go on without
I will write you a song (I will write you a song)
That's how you'll know that my love is still strong (love is still strong)
I will write you a song
And you know from this song that I just can't go on without you

2 quotes

I play for keeps everytime. Even if it kills me, I'm always gonna smile. I believe, nothing worth having ever comes easy and I've learned some wounds never heal, they just stop bleeding. -stolen from Kristen B's myspace page.

"Isn't it ironic? We ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us, love the ones who hurt us, and hurt the ones that love us." -stolen from Kristen B's myspace page.

Mini Fun Project

My sister had made this really cool necklace for herself just buy buying some ribbon and a charm from hobby lobby. So I decided to copy her. And here's what I made:




So out of the materials at the top I made three necklaces. A treble clef, which I'm thinking about going back and getting one to make an earring for Sam before I leave, the middle one says Believe, which is just my word and it has beenf or a while and the bottom one is the initial S. It stands for Sam. I love him and I sure and excited to be wearing this one!

Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis

Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep (keep) bleeding love (love)
You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing (ooh)
You cut me open and I

then there is a bunch of keep bleeding's at the end that I think makes this blog entry too long

Livin Our Love Song by Jason Micheal Carroll

Baby, when I look at you
With your hair falling down in your baby blues.
Standing there across the room,
I get so lost in the way you move.
It makes me reminisce, back to years ago
On a night like this.
Teary-eyed, as you took my hand,
And I told you that I'd be your man.
So many things have come, so many things have gone,
One thing that's stayed the same is
Our love's still going strong.

Baby just look at us, all this time and were still in love,
Something like this just don't exist between a
Backwoods boy and a fairytale princess.
People said it would never work out,
But living our dreams we shattered all doubts.
Feels good to prove 'em wrong,
Just livin' our love song.

Darling, would you look at me,
With my heart beatin' fast, and my shaky knees.
Its pretty hard to believe
After all these years, I still need you this badly.
You're dancing in my arms
With a spotlight moon and a sea of stars.
Oh girl we've come so far,
Everything I want is everything that you are.
Just want to lay you down, say I love you
Without a sound.
I think you know what I'm talking about.

YEEEEAH!

Baby just look at us, all this time and were still in love,
Something like this just don't exist between a
Backwoods boy and a fairytale princess.
People said it would never work out,
But living our dreams we shattered all doubts.
Feels good to prove 'em wrong,
Just livin' our love song.

Baby just look at us, all this time and were still in love,
Something like this just don't exist, between a
Backwoods boy and a fairytale princess.
People said it would never work out,
But living our dreams we shattered all doubts.
Don't it feels good to prove 'em wrong,
Livin' our love song.

It feels good to prove 'em wrong,
Just livin' our love song.

The First Kiss

"The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender." Emil Ludwig

1st Corinthians 13

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

This means so much to me. After all the people I know who have been getting married, who are getting married soon and in the near future months...

I've never really been a bible person, however this has got to be my favorite verse.

Sam left today, for Bonnie's wedding which is on Sunday. I didn't get to go... and I was really worried about him because he's sick right now and I didn't want to let him go. I'm gonna miss him... and I only have a few more days with him till I leave for school. I love him and I trust him with everything in me. If love is what it really says it is in 1st Corinthians 13 then I've got to be able to let go and stop being so jealous and such. I love you Sam and I miss you already!

Penny Marie

Sisterly Love...

So yea, this is definetly dedicated to the love of my life right now... that would be my wonderful sister!

Here's to lots of laughs and love for many years to come.

Brave!

Okay so my mom was on her way home the other day from work and heard this song on the radio and I definitely love her response to it. She came home and tells me, oh by the way I was on my way home and 107.7 was on and I heard this song and it just sounded like a Penny song. I had to laugh. I'd never heard that from anyone before and so I look up the song and she knew it was by Idina Menzel from her new album. So I looked up the words and then listened to a clip of it and it was just amazing. So I definitely agreed. it just sounds like a Penny song!
so here it is:
Rest of blog to follow!

Brave
by Idina Menzel

I don't know just where I'm going
And tomorrow is a little overwhelming
And the air is cold and I'm not the same anymore.

I've been running in your direction for too long now,
Lost my own reflection and I can't look down
If you're not there to catch me when I fall.

If this is the moment I stand here on my own,
If this is my right of passage that somehow leads me home,
I might be afraid but it's my turn to be brave.
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye,
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life,
I can't be afraid 'cause it's my turn to be brave.

All along, all I ever wanted was to be the light
When your life was daunting but I can't see mine,
When I feel as though you're pushing me away.

Well who's to blame? Are we making the right choices?
'Cause we can't be sure, if we're hearing our own voices,
As we close the door, even though we are to desperate to stay.

If this is the moment I stand here on my own,
If this is my right of passage that somehow leads me home,
I might be afraid but it's my turn to be brave.
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye,
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life,
I can't be afraid 'cause it's my turn to be brave.

And I might still cry,
And I might still bleed,
These thorns in my side,
This heart on my sleeve.
And lightening my strike this ground at my feet,
And I might still crash,
But I still believe...

This is the moment I stand here all alone,
With everything I have inside, everything I own,
I might be afraid but it's my turn to be brave.
If this is the last time before we say goodbye,
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life,
I can't be afraid, it's my turn to be brave.

so... I just bought the album and I love it. This song just explains everything I've been going through. Stress, finishing school, and being able to be brave and keep going from here.

I'm very scared to leave and go away. I probably cry about it at least 3 times a week with Sam. And he always does the same thing. He wipes away my tears, kisses me, tells me how beautiful I am and what a strong person I am, how I'm going to have fun, and how everything is going to be okay, and the best thing of all, how he is going to be right here waiting for me through it all.

I honestly don't know how I got so entirely lucky that this boy seems to think I'm the most beautiful girl ever and how I'm amazing and funny and everything. And above all he puts up with everything about me. Every quirk, insecurity, everything. I couldn't have asked for a better person to fall completely in love with. I didn't really even ask for him, he just kind of fell into my lap. It was just basically a fluke and I wouldn't take that moment back for anything. I love him with every inch of me. Every blood cell, every fluid, intestine inside me.
You know I heard something in a song once saying that when our heart breaks and that person comes along that they plant seeds in those cracks and flowers bloom in those cracks. I was lucky that he caught me with just a few bruises and slight cracks but those flowers sure did bloom quickly! Again, I have no idea why I got so lucky and why I even deserve him but I sure don't plan on letting him go anytime soon!
Sam Clein, I love you with everything and I'm so happy your in my life!

Penny M. Endicott

True Love Waits...

I've always had an interesting view point on this phrase. Its has great meanings for everyone I'm sure. However, for me, it has nothing to do with sex.

My first real relationship kind of got flushed down the drain. A harsh way to treat it I guess but when you think about it I feel better about who I am. That 2 years of my life we such an adventure, and I wouldn't change it for anything. He was right about one thing though. Since the begining he always told me that I would find someone who was better for me. Time after time he told me that. And he was right. In the end I'm thankful for who that person turned out to be.

True Love, that is something I could use to define my relationship with Sam. I'm absolutely sure of that. He's the best! As for the "waits" part. Thats where school comes in. Grrr... Don't get me wrong, I'm totally excited about going to USA! I'm gonna have a roomate! Well one that isn't my boyfriend. So for the next two years I really hope that my love for Sam really holds true. I believe it will. I mean I cry all the time about the fact that it sucks that I have to leave him. This next week will be an interesting trial run of being without him. I've actually never not seen him for this long. I've always been around. I was supposed to leave today for Orlando and then to Alabama for orientation and then back on monday. Well I had to leave yesterday early because I ran into some complictations with chest pains. Well I couldn't get to the doctor yesterday like I wanted because my car was overheating. So now I get to go tomorrow morning. Hopefully they will be able to tell me what is wrong with me.

As for the true love waits part, its on the sweat pants my mom just bought me. And its the coolest thing ever right now.

I think it will last. I know he respects me, I love him and trust him with my heart. He's just amayzing! and I now have a cheetah to go sleep with tonight!

Sweetest dreams everyone!

Penny Marie~

New Cheetah!

Okay, so I got my new build a bear cheetah! I was really really excited! So we got to the mall and went into the build a bear store and I started to get really excited as we dug through the intire box of cheetah's and we found the one with the cutest face! So as we're standing in line behind this entire omish family who had 8 kids who each were getting an animal. There was also this little girl and her mom who were in line in front of us as well. Another employee walked up and said who's next in line and the girl and her mom went over there with the other employee and I stayed in the line. Well these people come up behind us and were like oh look another line. I was like um hello this is the line. and they just walked by. Anyways the teenage girl with these people that just jumped the line gets all pissy and made a pretty big scene when the lady who was helping them walked away. Well I got my cheetah stuffed after being patient. Me and Sam picked out this really cute top to go with him so he looks all dressed up ready to play a big concert! Here's what really gets to me, we went to stand in line and I didn't see this guy and he goes, "um yeah I'm in line here" in a really pissy attitude! Omg I wanted to punch him in the face. Well we actually ended up getting out of there before those snoby people. Grrr I hate people who cut line then accuse you of doing it when you didn't see someone.

Anyways I've got the cutest cheetah! I'm really happy and I'm I love my boyfriend!

Update on life

Wow its been a really long time since I updated last.

1st off as I wrote in my last post, my grand mother passed away. Along with that my whole family went to the funeral. Needless to say, it was very strange, sad and somehow during that day my wonderful brother made me laugh the whole way through.

Along with my grandmothers passing, came all the things from her house. Back when my dad was younger his dad who passed before I was born, bought an electric hamond organ. My dad had made a claim on the organ asked me if my boyfriend wanted it. I asked him and at first he wasn't so excited about it but he loves it now.

Speaking of my boyfriend, he is awesome! I love him with all my heart. He's the best! He drives me up a wall half the time but he is totally awesome! And he is buying me a build a bear on friday! well actually a Cheetah. I'm so excited.

More later. Loves!

Penny Marie

Long Overdue

Okay so I've been long long overdue on my updates! this is what has happened since I last updated:
1. my grandmother passed away
2. I got hired at the YMCA
3. I've had to hunt search and kill for certification cards to acutally start working
4. I'm taking summer classes
5. found out I get to graduate.

I actually thought I was gonna post... but I really am feeling like crap... so I'll post tomorrow when I can breathe.

Penny!~*

The Day Before You by: Rascal Flatts

I had all but given up on
Finding the one that I could fall into
The day before you
I was ready to settle for
Less than love and not much more
There was no such thing as a dream come true
Oh, but that was all the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

In your eyes I see forever
Makes me wish that my life never knew
The day before you
But Heaven knows, those years without you
Were shaping my heart for the day that I found you
If you're the reason for all that I've been through
Then I'm thankful for the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I would never have to go back to
The day before you

Was the last day that I ever lived alone
And I'm never going back
No, I'm never going back

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I would never have to go back to

Yeah, I would never have to go back to
The day before you
The day before you

Whats on my mind...

1st of all,
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MOM! I know I told you on the phone and I know its almost over but I love you and I miss you and I'm so glad that you are my mom!

and 2nd of all, I'd just like to say hey to all the people I haven't been in touch with much lately.

And 3rdly, I'd like to say just how wonderful my boyfriend really is. I never knew that I would feel so cared about and so loved. I love him more than anything and it just makes me sad to know I'll be away for so long when I go to finish my degree.

To Diana, you are what gives me strength to go into another long distance relationship. You are amazing and I believe so much in you and Mike because I know just how much you love him and how he loves you. You helped me realize how much someone could love someone and I am grateful for that every day of my life. Thank you for everything and thank you for being my best friend and for being there for me when I needed it most.

To my sister, you are wonderful. I never knew that you and I could share so much at the exact same time. That ring made me whole for a while and I'm so happy that it served its purpose and that you found Matt. He is a jem and I hope that you keep him around for a while.

To my mom and dad, you are my rocks. I don't know how I could have gotten this far without you. You've been there for me when I've caved, and you've been there to hold me up, to keep my head above the water and to keep me breathing and kicking in the deep end of life. You've been wonderful role models in life and I'm so grateful that you have been there for me through thick and thin and through everything that I've been through. Thank you for holding my hand, for drying my tears, for pushing me and for helping me. I don't think I even really have begun to realize just how lucky I am but I see it so clearly now though.

To Michele, I know we haven't talked much lately but you have changed my life. I've never known someone who has been so strong and who has fought so hard. You deserve everything that you want. I'm so glad that you have Derek and that you have the cutest daughter ever. She looks just like you and I'm so grateful to have gotten the chance to meet you, much less knowing you. I'm blessed to have you as a friend and I'm sorry that I haven't been more updating with life.

To my brother, though we haven't talked much lately, I hope your doing okay. You've made such a big impact in my life its not funny. I'm so happy that Daisy came into your life and I hope your taking good care of her! I miss you and I hope that I get to see you soon. If not, then I'll see you at my graduation. I love you Patrick!

Finally to Rae, knowing you the last few weeks has made lifeguarding more fun. I'm so glad I took that class there at the Y. You and Nate are going to be just fine, I know it. I'm so happy that you are happy and I'm hoping to keep in touch with you for a long time. Your awesome!

Lifeguarding 101 Day #7 (Test out day)

Today was our final test!
I got paired with Rae for our scenerio and we had a Head, Neck and Back injury in the shallow end and passed with flying color's! Go Rae!
It was a great feeling to know that I could do this without even having to think about it I just grabed the board when Rae jumped in and we went to work on making sure the victim was calmed and doing okay.

Then we had to take the written test...

I PASSED! YAY! I'm a certified Lifeguard! I am offically trained in AED, CPR, First Aid and I'm able to watch a pool and know that I can respond if something happens.

There is this quote on the front of my manual and it is definatly something that I think hits my heart today because it's true for me staring today! Here it is:

I have kept a watchful eye on swimmers,
offered parents peace of mind
and trained hard to respond in a HEART BEAT.

Now if the YMCA in St. Augustine will just call me back I could get a job!

Lifeguarding 101 Day #6

Wednesday was Day 6 and we practiced scenerio's in the pool all night. I got paired with Morgan first and we did a seizure vitim and then went into CPR.
Then I got paired with Wiley and we had a baby drowning in the deep end and went into doing CPR as well.
I played victim in a few scenerio's too.
All in all it was a good class.

Lifeguarding 101 Day # 5

Monday was day 5 and we went over First Aid and such.

Moving...

So I decided after I graduate from Flo-Arts, I'm gonna move in with Sam until I go away to Alabama... So I'll probably be living with him for most of the summer.

Well he decided his apartment just isn't big enough for the two of us plus two cats. So, we're moving into this cool two bedroom apartment and I'm soooo excited.

You have no idea!

My big 20th!

Yesterday was my 20th birthday! It was a pretty good day too.

I started out with having to drive to Gainesville for my guard class but that wasn't bad and it was kinda fun.

Then I came back to Sam's house to take a nap... then we went for pizza and then went mini golfing! It was soooooooo fun!
After golfing, we went and walked down on the beach... it was really pretty out and it was rather romantic!

I got a Nintendo DS game from Sam and he also bought me a really pretty ring! It looks rather like this:Its soooo pretty! I love it!

Lifeguarding 101 Day #4

Yesterday was Day 4 and we did Head Nick and Back injuries in the water and on land.

The interesting part is that the video doesn't tell you that if the victim isn't breathing that you kinda have to skip the backboard in the water part and get them onland so you can help them breathe.

We practiced in the shallow water and in the deep water. Its harder than it seems. But we all managed to figure it out. We were in two groups of teams... my team was the best if I do say so myself.

after that we practiced getting head neck and back injured people out if they are submerged. This was hard because if there in the bottom of the deep end its not exactly easy getting them up without any kind of help but the kicking of your legs. But low and behold I got Scott of the bottom of the pool in the head chin grip. He even freaked me out cause I guess my hand was in the wrong place and he moved my arm and I was like woah whats wrong! But he said I did well so thats awesome!

After class was over at about 12:15 we went to lunch for my birthday! I'm 20 years old now! yay!

The Rain Tree

My amazing boyfriend who I love so much took me out tonight for my birthday.

Well to start off when I got back from guard class we went to his Aunt's house to swim in the pool. That was actually really relaxing and fun!

Then we got ready to go out and he took me to this pretty fancy place called the Rain Tree
I'm not gonna lie, it was a pretty expensive place but the food was amazing!
I had the Lamb, which is becoming one of my favorite dishes to order when I go to a decent restaurant.

The BIG suprise?
my birthday present!
He bought me the prettiest ring ever! its a purple tanzanite heart with two pink sapphires on the sides. White gold band.... sooooooo pretty! I love it!

I am probably the luckiest girl in the world....

Tomorrow's my real birthday... Hope its a great day!

Lifeguarding 101 Day #3

Today we learned how to give CPR and AED.
We started off watching the video's on how to care for the body and how to open the air passage and all the different ways and steps to do.
Knowing what to do after each step is probably the most important part.
Like you wouldn't give CPR to a person with a pulse even if they arn't breathing.

We got to practice on the interesting dumbies. They were actually really cool to be honest with you. It was awesome to really see what the chest rising is going to look like; even in the infants.

We also learned about the AED, when and how to use it.

Tomorrow we learn head, neck and back injuries and how to care for them.

Lifeguarding 101 Day #2

Okay, so today was day number 2. I have to tell you that Scott (our instructor) is very laid back and cool. But I also do have to state: He know his shit! lol.
So we started out with the video and book work. Enter: Jeff and Julie, the onscreen actors who talked us through the scenario's that were taking place on the screen. We learned about the FIND method and everything else.

After all of that we finally got in the pool to learn the correct ways to enter the pool from the side and from the lifeguard stand. We learned how to be the victim and how to save the victim. I partnered with a bunch of different people. I find that all the people in my class are pretty cool. I was the victim, primary lifeguard and secondary lifeguard in our situation with the passive victim and getting them out of the pool with the back board. That was interesting. I have a nice bruise on my wrist from that exercise.

All in all it was fun and cold day.

Next class we are covering chapters 6, 7, and 8. And other things I suppose.

Your future Lifeguard,
Penny Marie

Lifeguarding 101 with Scott Chase

Okay so I signed up to take a lifeguarding certification class at the YMCA in Gainesville. That's about 48 miles from Palatka and 78 miles from St. Augustine(where Sam lives).
I want to work over the summer at the YMCA in St. Augustine and I'm thinking this could possibly be a good job for me cause I like the pool and I loved being at the YMCA when I was a little kid over the summer during summer camp.
Our instructors name is Scott. There were 13 kids that started and only 10 of us actually passed the pre-req. stuff.
1. I had to swim 12 laps at 25meters a lap. that's six 50 meter laps. I do them in 25m though. so I had to swim 4 laps doing freestyle, 4 laps doing the breast stroke and then another 4 laps doing either the free or breast.
2. I had to jump in the shallow end of the pool(starting in the watter) and then I had to swim to the deep end, go down to the bottom of the pool, grab a ten pound brick, get back to the top of the water, hold it with two hands and swim backwards back to the end of the shallow end and get the brick out of the water and me out of the water... all of that and it had to be done in 1 min. 40 seconds. sounds tough huh? I did it in 44 seconds. Pretty impressive huh?

Well after 10 of us passed that, we were given our life guard manuals and we were let go. I have to be back on Wed. night to actually start the real class.
I'm kind of intimidated... its not easy by any means.
At the end of the class we have to be able to go to the deep end and pull Scott off the end of the bottom of the pool while he pretends to be a passive victim... which means the will look like he's unconscious and he wont be breathing. so basically its like pulling a dead person out of the deep end of the pool. Its gonna suck but I'll be able to do it I know it! I have confidence!

This morning I went to the YMCA in St. Augustine and talked to the Aquatics Director there about getting a job this summer. well she told me that I have to take a cross over class to be certified for the YMCA too. This is all gonna suck but I'll have a job in the end hopefully!
I guess we'll see how I do... I'll update you after each class.

as for now, I get to read the first 5 chapters of my manual now... that my wonderful boyfriend so awesomely wrote my name on with a sharpie!

Lifeguard Training here I come!

So on Monday the 28th, in the evening I'm going to start training to become a certified lifeguard!

Ahhhhhh I'm sooooo excited... I can't wait... Maybe I'll actually get into shape now!

Penny M. Endicott

Juries...

I just have to say before I run some songs again and then go to bed,
that my boyfriend is the most amazing person on the planet right now.

He is such a comfort when I have stress... and I love that he tells me I have nothing to worry about. I love Sam!

Penny Maire!~*

Baby Blue, White, and Brown...

The three colors of the new notebook that I got to write in about Sam and I!
I'm soooooo Excited!

Sick Again! Grrrr

So I'm sick again.
Only this time I'm not talking. I'm not singing nothing until it gets better!
I hate being sick. It hurts and it sucks I can't sing.
How the hell do you perform at juries if your freakin sick?

Alright well thats the end of my rant. thank you for listening

Penny M. Endicott

Just A Dream (Carrie Underwood)

It was two weeks after the day she turned 18
all dressed in white
going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat
A six pence in her shoe
Something borrowed, something blue
And when the church doors opened up wide
She put her veil down trying to hide the tears
Oh she just couldn't believe it
She heard the trumpets from the military band
And the flowers fell out of her hands

Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever
Now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

The preacher man said "Let us bow our heads and pray"
"Lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt"
Then the congregation all stood up and sang
The saddest song that she ever heard
Then they handed her a folded up flag
And she held on to all she had left of him
oh and what could've been
Then the guns rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart

Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever
Now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever
Now I'll never know
oh I'll never know
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Oh this is just a dream
Just a dream
Yeah
Yeah

Happy Easter!

Hey everyone!
Happy Easter weekend!

Wow this past week has been a blur, and a mess.
I came back from my Aunts house from seeing my Nanny and I got really sick. I had what my dad and mom call the croupe!
It was gross!
I was sick all day Monday, Tuesday and most of Wednesday too.
I'm feeling much better however and even went to rehearsal last night
Thank you to everyone who cared enough to make sure I was feeling better!

I hope everyone has a wonderful easter and a great weekend!

Chassahowitzka...

is completely out in BFE!
This I know, its where my aunt lives and its about where my grandmother is located in a facility until she can learn to walk again.
She has altimers... stage three... its pretty bad. She remembers my dad, my aunt and my uncle so thats good. I handed her, her coffee earlier today while I was with her and she told me she hoped I would marry into the family, but then I'd have to deal with the rest of them(meaning the rest of my family).
I know its sad that she doesn't know who I am and that I'm apart of her family but I thought it was hilarious and everyone else laughed to when I told them.

anyways, we're on our way home I guess. I think at least.

Well hope everyone has a wonderful night.
I'll be sleeping in the car on the way home and might be here again next weekend.

Loves everyone.

Pirate and Princess Party/other updates

hmmm...
where to start...
Well last night I went to Disney's Pirate and Princess Party! It was a blast I have to tell you! I went with my mom, sister, and brother. Probably the best fun I've had in a long time. It rained all night but we had a blast anyways! The parade was good and the fireworks were awesome. When the pirates take over the castle in the fireworks show we all thought that the castle was really going down! What great effects!
It was a blast I've even got some pictures up on my myspace!

In other news, I got and A on my Theory test! It was a tough one too. And I also got a B on my science test! Thats pretty big for me. I took my Tap tests but I'm not really sure how that really went.

Anyways, does anyone who is reading this have any kind of advice on being a retard and being jealous about people?
I really like this guy. We're kinda dating. He says we are dating but I say we're only kinda dating because we're still not anything offical. He has an awesome profession and I'm lucky to get to work with him and be a part of his career before I go away to school. However, I tend to get really mad when he sends me away to do other things because he seems to think I'm just being a frolic(y) girl when in all reality I'm just asking a question about the music like everyone else does. I've decided that I can't work with him anymore because its just to hard to try and get any kind of questions answered and he harps on me about learning the music a lot.

Anyways, I don't know what to do. I wish he would have called me tonight. But he's busy and probably went to bed early.

anyways, I'm with my bestie now... and we've had a pretty rockin night.

Tomorrow I'm going to Chatawiska with my Dad, sister, and brother... not on great terms either. Tomorrow will be rough. My grandmother(my nanny) has two types of cancer, a broken bone somewhere near her hip and stage three altimers(or however you spell it). So tomorrow will probably be a really emotional day for me. Which sucks... but at least tonight I get to sleep in a comfy bed and wake up to "move over loser" lol...

anyways, have a good night. LOVES EVERYONE!

Waking up...

you know its gonna be a good day, and that your doing alright when you wake up to someone who has pured you the exact cereal you knew you wanted even before you rolled out of bed.

ahhh I wanna go back to bed, its cold outside and my eyes are burning cause I'm so sleepy!

Red Gatorade...

I have no idea what to write about.
I'm in my apartment right now and I'm watching season 2 of Felicity.
I'm completely bored out of my mind even though there is probably a million things I could be doing at the moment lol.

The best of friends....

an oldie but goodie lol... she's gonna kill me for this one but I look just ask stupid too!
and a kinda newbie since December! I love her like no other!

She's been my best friend since I was 17. I've been to hell and back with her and I don't know what I would do without her in my life.
She's put up with me more than I could ever imagine.

She has been more than a friend sometimes and I don't know why she still hangs around lol.

I guess thats what best friends just do!

I love you Diana Leigh!

We Love Carissa!

So Emily, Tiffany and myself went out to get Carissa something special for the show she is doing tonight. The dance show opens and she is in the ballet number and she has a solo. So we decorated her mirror space and then we made kinda a ballerina doll to match her ballet bodess!

Important life lesson

Don't lie about getting accepted into a school when you know nothing about there program or the way that it is set up.
Especially when you say "I have an audition" and there is no audition process...

lol...

I'm sorry but this is the funniest thing to me today. Because it wasn't me who did it...
it was someone I know. and its just funny watching this person tie themselves up in a lie that they are never going to be able to set straight.

and it makes it even worse when everyone your talking to, is talking to me about the same school and the same program!

Tummy Troubles

ever have a night where it just hits you that your tummy hurts?
thats tonight for me.
Watchin Mr. Lamby Ears.

and missin my daisy bear!

Will You Be There

From a Tap piece we danced to by Michael Jackson... just keeps running through my mind

But They Told Me
A Man Should Be Faithful
And Walk When Not Able
And Fight Till The End
But I'm Only Human
Everyone's Taking Control Of Me
Seems That The World's
Got A Role For Me
I'm So Confused
Will You Show To Me
You'll Be There For Me
And Care Enough To Bear Me

In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tripulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I'll Never Let You Part
For You're Always In My Heart.

Tonight...

could possibly be the best night of college this semester. And it had nothing to do with a party or romance.
It was just pure fun and friendship.

I'm learning that just because your not the best friends with the people you go to school with, that you can still have the best of times with them.

Ensemble had a show in Green Cove tonight and I swear it was the best show. We had a fun time beforehand and then we had a great show and then we had a rockin time on the way back in the van.

I heart all of these kids so much tonight! The best night ever so far.

Yay!

When you need a break...

you just need a break.

and you have to learn to give them to yourselves sometimes.

I'm learning that this week

If life gives you lemons...

throw them at the nearest loser...
I'm just kidding.
I'm also feeling a little out of it today.
I don't feel up to par and that saddens me.
I don't know what to do about life and I'm starting to wonder if I'm meant to just be alone for a long time.
I'm gonna learn to cope with that. I'm gonna learn to cope with beingon my own.
Because come August, I'll be all alone in another state without a friend in range unless I decide to drive 4 hours to Tally.

Rave Reviews!

So this is just a teaser of the photo's I have from Crimes of the Heart. I'm so happy I got into this show. I've had so many people tell me how wonderful I am now. Some new kid told me that I was amazing tonight... I was like awww thanks!

Family came tonight. Brother loved it, Mom and Dad were laughing there butts off and Sam liked it a lot. he thought I did a great job. So I'm glad it all worked out now.

More later...