Penny is 2...

I'm getting ready for my call back audition,
Then packing for going home,
Then, class tomorrow,
Then, on my way to Jessica's,
Getting my stuff from Sam's,
Staying with Jessica,
Maybe meeting up for breakfast on Saturday morn.
Then on my way to see my amazing family...

Oh and Jess and Eric count as my amazing family too I'm just staying with them on Friday night

I'm doing okay, it was a shock, a learning expeirence and I'll be in a holding pen on relationships for a while until I feel okay again

Penny is...

Learning how to be herself. The good herself, not the crazy wacko herself.

I'm learning how to be happy again in myself.

I'm learning so much about myself while being here, and I'm also learning who I don't want to be. I want to be Penny Marie! The cool girl who everyone is like Hey I have to be that girl's friend.

Sorry, but my night has just kept getting better!

And tomorrow, well tomorrow I'm gonna have the most kick ass day ever! I promise myself, and if it isn't so hot in the end, its okay because sometimes days are like that, but I can still be happy in the end!

And who said happily ever after cant happen? Well I'm gonna be happily ever tomorrow! If that just made any since lmao.

I love you all, and I thank you to my big supporters and the ones who love me the most!

Penny Marie!~*

Mr. Phelps...

Have you ever wished you could be a fish?
I've been thinking about this for a while, I've got a new beta fish.
I named him Mr. Phelps. I was talking to Sam about what I should name my new fish and he says to me, name it Mr. something, so then I talk to my mom and she said Mr. Phelps, in honor of Michael Phelps who won 8 golds in the Olympics.
I've loved the idea of having a fish since my first year of college.
They are just so facinating, the way that they just swim around in a bowl or tank or whatever you buy for them to live in.
I wanted to bring Remy with my to school but it would have been a horrible ride for him. So he stayed with my mom and dad, in my room at there house.
I wish I could have brought Remy to the apt. me and Sam moved into over the summer but his cats like fish way to0 much! Morty almost killed Remy last semester lol.

So I wonder what it is like to just swim in a bowl your whole life and not ever have a mate? I couldn't imagine it. I'm trying to start working on my independence skills. I need to prove to myself and others I can get on by myself. Its really hard and it doesn't mean that I want to give up any of the people who I love in my life. I found myself saying I needed someone the other day, and I think the correct statement now is I want them. I want to hear from them not I need to hear from them, at least for right now.
I need to become more like my fish, I need to learn to be independent! I can do it, I know I can. I don't really want to right now, but I know that I can. And then when I'm done at school here, I want to be with the person who makes me rediculously happy in every way. I want to be able to support him in the ways that he needs.

I love you mom, pam, dad, patrick, everyone!

And I love you Samuel H. Clein! I love you so much!

5 months.

For five months I've been completely happy with the love of my life.
I love you SamClein!

School is going okay I guess. Its been hard to focus. But I'm going to be strong and I'm going to be okay. I love you mom and I thank you for all of your support!
I love you Pamela for your support.
And to my newly found therapist, your a life saver. Thank you for understanding my struggles.

My love to everyone!

Penny Marie

Life at USA

So I thought I'd let everyone know how I'm doing... if anyone besides my mom and sister actually read it.
I'd love to know who reads it if you wanna send me a message or comment to let me know that would be great!
Fine, now on to buisness... Wait! HI MOM! HI PAMELA!

Okay now onto life in Alabama...
I'm living in a dorm room.. I know scary right? well its acutally turned out to be okay... only my photo scrapbook frame I got from Diana has fallen off the wall twice already... so I'm gonna have to find a new plan on how to hang it... I'll figure it out.

I have a roommate. Her name is Kristi. She's pretty cool, we are alot alike. We just kinda chill in the room when we're not in class... which is cool for me since I have like a million things of homework already.
Anyways, about my room, its pretty cosy, but thats okay because I hate big beds without someone to share them with... my bed is acutally pretty comfy thanks to my mom and sister who helped me figure out how to put everything on it before they left. I'm still hanging posters but it looks pretty good so far. I love my sheets! Thanks Diana!
Oh and by the way, Pam if you are reading this, you were right, its not alaska here. It's more like ANTARTICA! I'm freezing... thank goodness Sam is sending me my other blankies!

Anyways, school is going okay. So far it looks like its going to be very hard. I hope I can keep up.
Hope everyone is doing well...

I miss you Sam! And I love you TOO!

Life...

I'm starting to wonder what life is all about.

I mean in the end... what is it really going to come down to?

Because right now my life consists of chaos, tears and fear.

I Will Write You A Song

I don't know how to make lots of money
I got debts that I'm trying to pay
I can't buy you nice things, like big diamond rings
But that don't mean much anyway

I can't give you the house you've been dreaming
If I could I would build it alone
I'd be out there all day, just hammering away
Make us a place of our own

I will write you a song
That's how you'll know that my love is still strong
I will write you a song
And you'll know from this song that I just can't go on without you

I don't know that I'd make a good soldier
I don't believe in being violent and cruel
I don't know how to fight, but I'll draw blood tonight
If somebody tries hurting you tonight

I will write you a song
That's how you'll know that my love is still strong
I will write you a song
And you'll know from this song that I just can't go on without you

Now that it's out on the table (it's out on the table)
Both of us knew all along (knew all along)
I've got your loving and you've got my song

I don't know how to make lots of money
I don't know all the right things to do
I can't say where we'll go, but the one thing I know
Is how to be a good man to you
Until I die that's what I'll do

I will write you a song
That's how you'll know that my love is still strong
I will write you a song
And you'll know from this song that I just can't go on without
I will write you a song (I will write you a song)
That's how you'll know that my love is still strong (love is still strong)
I will write you a song
And you know from this song that I just can't go on without you

2 quotes

I play for keeps everytime. Even if it kills me, I'm always gonna smile. I believe, nothing worth having ever comes easy and I've learned some wounds never heal, they just stop bleeding. -stolen from Kristen B's myspace page.

"Isn't it ironic? We ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us, love the ones who hurt us, and hurt the ones that love us." -stolen from Kristen B's myspace page.

Mini Fun Project

My sister had made this really cool necklace for herself just buy buying some ribbon and a charm from hobby lobby. So I decided to copy her. And here's what I made:




So out of the materials at the top I made three necklaces. A treble clef, which I'm thinking about going back and getting one to make an earring for Sam before I leave, the middle one says Believe, which is just my word and it has beenf or a while and the bottom one is the initial S. It stands for Sam. I love him and I sure and excited to be wearing this one!

Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis

Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep (keep) bleeding love (love)
You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing (ooh)
You cut me open and I

then there is a bunch of keep bleeding's at the end that I think makes this blog entry too long

Livin Our Love Song by Jason Micheal Carroll

Baby, when I look at you
With your hair falling down in your baby blues.
Standing there across the room,
I get so lost in the way you move.
It makes me reminisce, back to years ago
On a night like this.
Teary-eyed, as you took my hand,
And I told you that I'd be your man.
So many things have come, so many things have gone,
One thing that's stayed the same is
Our love's still going strong.

Baby just look at us, all this time and were still in love,
Something like this just don't exist between a
Backwoods boy and a fairytale princess.
People said it would never work out,
But living our dreams we shattered all doubts.
Feels good to prove 'em wrong,
Just livin' our love song.

Darling, would you look at me,
With my heart beatin' fast, and my shaky knees.
Its pretty hard to believe
After all these years, I still need you this badly.
You're dancing in my arms
With a spotlight moon and a sea of stars.
Oh girl we've come so far,
Everything I want is everything that you are.
Just want to lay you down, say I love you
Without a sound.
I think you know what I'm talking about.

YEEEEAH!

Baby just look at us, all this time and were still in love,
Something like this just don't exist between a
Backwoods boy and a fairytale princess.
People said it would never work out,
But living our dreams we shattered all doubts.
Feels good to prove 'em wrong,
Just livin' our love song.

Baby just look at us, all this time and were still in love,
Something like this just don't exist, between a
Backwoods boy and a fairytale princess.
People said it would never work out,
But living our dreams we shattered all doubts.
Don't it feels good to prove 'em wrong,
Livin' our love song.

It feels good to prove 'em wrong,
Just livin' our love song.

The First Kiss

"The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender." Emil Ludwig

1st Corinthians 13

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

This means so much to me. After all the people I know who have been getting married, who are getting married soon and in the near future months...

I've never really been a bible person, however this has got to be my favorite verse.

Sam left today, for Bonnie's wedding which is on Sunday. I didn't get to go... and I was really worried about him because he's sick right now and I didn't want to let him go. I'm gonna miss him... and I only have a few more days with him till I leave for school. I love him and I trust him with everything in me. If love is what it really says it is in 1st Corinthians 13 then I've got to be able to let go and stop being so jealous and such. I love you Sam and I miss you already!

Penny Marie