Teddy...

I have a bear... he's a teddy bear... and he's pretty damn special to me... because he still smells... and because he's there to absorb tears... whenever needed...

I'm now going to go to bed now... with that bear...

I was highly mad last night because I couldn't find him... and now I'm glad I did...

I found him

I really like these quotes

o1.
Do you want to know why I tell you lies? because I`m afraid you`ll find out what I like to do and where I like to go when I`m sad. Because I`m scared that you`ll discover how much I love you and I`m not ready for love yet. I lie cause I`m frightened - terrified that you might find out who I really am and hate me, just like I do.
o2.
Best friends hang tough. They don`t come with Fragile stickers and aren`t easily scared off, or ticked off. Best friends help you out whenever they can, make time for you even when they don`t have any, and trust your friendship enough to say No. Best friends are cross-your-heart-and-hope-to-die, good-times-and-bad-times, borrow-anything, tell-you-everything, trust-you-with-their-deepest-darkest-secrets, always-and-forever friends
o3.
To let go isn`t to forget, not think about, or ignore. It doesn`t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn`t winning, and it isn`t losing. It`s not about pride, and it`s not about how you appear, and it`s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn`t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn`t leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It`s not giving in or giving up. Letting go isn`t about loss, and it`s not defeat. To let go is to cherish memories, but to overcome and to move on. It`s having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting. It`s learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry and made you grow. It`s about all that you have, all that you had and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It`s realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and to set you free.
o4.
I guess that`s what I thought ; that leaving something behind would erase it from memory forever. It doesn`t. If something touched you that deeply, it never goes away without a fight.
o5.
For many people, things have to get very bad before there`s a shift. When you truly bottom out, there comes an exhilarating release. You recognize there`s a power in the universe bigger than you are, who can do for you what you can`t do for yourself.[ Marianne Williamson ]
o6.
And he did something to me that I can`t quite explain only with words, he took me to a new place, he introduced me to myself.
o7.
There had been a long period of time during which he remembered being very happy. But things change. People change. Change was one of the inevitable laws of nature, exacting its toll on people`s lives. [ The Choice ; Nicholas Sparks ]
o8.
Mistakes are made, regrets form, and all that was left were repercussions that made something as simple as rising from the bed seem almost laborious. [ The Choice ; Nicholas Sparks ]
o9.
Always throw salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for luck, and fall in love whenever you can. [ Practical Magic ]
1o.
you just have to let things fall into place, how they`re supposed to be, even though you might want something so bad, it might not be meant to be, & what you do get in the end; is what you wanted & needed all along
11.
Love doesn`t hold grudges. It doesn`t keep thinking over & over again about how someone hurt you. Love doesn`t give up just cause something goes wrong or cause your feelings are hurt. Those who love just keep right on loving.

[just so you know.. I got all of these off of someones xanga, just cause she always has the best stuff. from lovestudiox]

Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust...

So, I feel lost right now. I'm not sure where I'm going with my life and for the first time, I'm really truly scared about that.
Sure, I know I'm more than likely going to go to USA in the Fall of '08 and graduate with my BFA in Theatre Arts with and emphasis in Musical Theatre. So I know what I'm actually planning out to do.
But have you ever been lost so deep inside your thoughts it scares you?
Well that's where I am at this point.
I did the unthinkable. The one thing that everyone at one point or another doesn't want to do, I broke someones heart. Or at least I think I did. I'm not really sure, he's held up a wall for so long maybe I only slightly punctured it. but in turn, I lost a part of mine.
You see, he'll always have a part of my heart. I gave it to him, and he pretty much kept it safe, now I'm lost.
the song I posted earlier kind of explains how my brain is working.
I've always loved the thought of flying off to never never land, and tonight I wish it were a real place, where I could go fly with Peter and fight Pirates with the lost boys.
You see I always had faith and trust in so many people. and I lost his faith and trust now... now all I have is pixie dust left, and I think we all know thats not really a current option.
So I'm gonna go dry my hair, and dream about something good I hope.
I still have the teddy bear he bought me, I'll probably never stop sleeping with it... as long as I'm living on my own I mean.
we'll see what happens in the future... I just wish I could have my best friend back.

I Try

I am not a child now
I can take care of myself
I mustn't let them down now
Mustn't let them see me cry
I'm fine, I'm fine

I'm too tired to listen
I'm too old to believe
All these childish stories
There is no such thing as faith
And trust and pixie dust

I try
But it's so hard to believe
I try
But I can't see what you see
I try, I try, I try...

My whole world is changing
I don't know where to turn
I can't leave you waiting
But I can't stay and watch this city burn
Watch it burn'

Cause I try
But it's so hard to believe
I try But I can't see what you see
I try, I try

I try and try to understand
The distance in between
The love I feel and the things I fear
And every single dream

I can finally see it
Now I have to believe
All those precious stories

All the world is made of...Faith, and trust... and pixie dust
So, I'll try
Because I finally believe
I'll try, cuz I can see what you see
I'll try, I'll try
I will try
I'll try...To fly

Updates

Well, these past few days have been interesting.

The Fantasticks is going really well!
Everone should come see it! See my blog down a few to get info!

Magic by Colbe Caillat

this song has a new meaning for me today:

You've got magic inside your fingertips.
It's leaking out all over my skin, yeah.
Every time that I get close to you,
You're making me weak with the way you look through those eyes.

But all I see is your face.
All I need is your touch.
Wake me up with your lips.
Come at me from up above, yeah.
I need you.

I remember the way that you move.
You're dancing easily through my dreams.
It's hitting me harder and harder with all your smiles.
You are crazy gentle in the way you kiss.

All I see is your face.
All I need is your touch.
Wake me up with your lips.
Come at me from up above.
Oh baby, I need you to see me the way I see you.
Love me wide awake in the middle of my dreams.

And all I see is your face.
All I need is your touch.
Wake me up with your lips.
Come at me from up above.

All I see is your face.
All I need is your touch.
Wake me up with your lips.
Come at me from up above.

All I see is your face.
All I see is your face.
All I see is your face

Apologize / Gossip Girl / Update

I decided to wind down after rehearsal by watching the Gossip Girl Episode that I missed because of rehearsal from last week. Thank God they are online! I love that! Anyways, it was the one about the ball like thing... I don't know the real way to spell the real word. I loved it! It was so sad in a way though. To think that some one's mother made them choose between there inheritance and the love of there life. That is horrible. But in the end Serena's mother knew that it really was right for her and Dan to be together, so she goes to pick him up and bring him to her. I loved that. It makes me feel so wonderful inside to know that they really do belong together. It can happen just like that. It's sad that Lily and Rufas weren't allowed to be together so long ago but I somehow believe that Allison is a wonderful person as well and I really like her character. Man and Jenny? she really needs to get her act together and become more like her brother. Either that or know that she can't just let Blair let her push her around. And Blair and Nate got back together. They really were meant for each other... I think.

Anyways the end of the show ended with this song I originally said I hated, because I think I heard the wrong verison of it. But I love this version. Its the remix I guess by Timbaland. I really love this version.
It kinda means something in my heart too. The first time I heard it was for a different reason... and I wanted to cry. But I love it now. and I'm thankful that it doesn't mean what it originally stood for.

I'm so happy that everything is okay in the world of me right now...
I love my family. and I my boyfriend. and my best friend who I get to go to disney with on monday!
I love you guys and girls so much!

I’m holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I’m hearing what you say
But I just can’t make you sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you’re sorry
Didn’t think I’d turn around and say..

That it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

I’d take another chance,
take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah
I loved you with a fire red,
now it’s turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I’m afraid
It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
Woahooo woah
It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize,
yeah yeah I said it’s too late to apologize,
a yeah I’m holding on your rope Got me ten feet off the ground...