So Valentines day is coming up tomorrow... well tech in like half an hour...
Its a little strange I'm not gonna lie... for the past two years I've celebrated Valentines day with the same person... and this year its someone new.
Please whoever is reading this, don't get me wrong, I'm happy and moving on with my life in a new direction. I'm happy that I'm dating someone new. Someone who is by far the sweetest guy. And I don't care what anyone thinks at this point.
Thats my problem with life, I care to much about what other people think. And I don't worry enough about what I think and what makes me happy. I'm starting to change that. Although its not too hard around here. I'm learning that not everyone is going to make you happy and you have to deal with the people who don't like you for no reason at all.
Last year was pretty awesome for valentine's day. I got a cute card in the mail and then that weekend I was given a star. A real star in the galaxy was purchased for me. I have to tell you, you have no idea how cool it is until you really get one. That person is no longer speaking to me, and I'm learning to be okay with that. I've decided that there is no more hiding feelings. I've decided that I don't want to hide them anymore. It just hurts to damn much in the end. I have to let go of the past and move on and as Carrie Underwood says,
"I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And he wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a cross road
There's a choice you gotta make.
I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead,
just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you're trying to fly,
It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye"
I love how I can find songs that that speak what my heart is feeling. But I'm learning that maybe this is what was meant to happen all along. Because I honestly had this specific song picked out for this moment when it came. Maybe thats a sign that I ignored for so long.
I'm trying not to hold anything agaisnt anyone anymore. Which is hard because I'm the one being blamed for everything. but I've decided its not worth the fight anymore. I got tired of fighting a wall that I couldn't conquer... come to find out maybe I had conquered it but never noticed. But I'm thinking in learning this, that I'm conquering my own fears and faults. I've learned that you have to love someone for who they are and you can't change them. I feel like I've spent the last few years of my life trying to be someone I'm not. And now I'm learning that I can be the silly person I once was. I love that feeling. And I'm being told not to change myself for anyone else.
So this Valentines day I start fresh. I start tomorrow/today with a new outlook on life, a new hairstyle(cause they cut it off for the show) and a new voice in life.
Thank you to those who have stuck by my side through all my pain and anger. I'm not sure if its completely over, I'm sure I'll be crying for a few more weeks about all of this, but I'm starting to be me again. I'm starting to be my silly self, who is fun and wonderful and likes herself.
And thank you to the person who really got it through my head that I don't have to change for anyone. That I can be myself and I am still beautiful, and that I'm a wonderful silly playful person. These next song lyrics are for that person.
"Everything" by Lifehouse
Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the life
To my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this
(Ahh Yeahhh)
You calm the storms
And you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You steal my heart
And You take my breath away
Would you take me in
Would you take me deeper, now
And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this
And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this
Cause you're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
Everything, everything...
When how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this
Oh And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better any better than this
And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this....
an oldie but goodie lol... she's gonna kill me for this one but I look just ask stupid too!
and a kinda newbie since December! I love her like no other!
